BiggaJ
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 777
- Location
- Wirral, Northwest England
Bruce, an Australian who was working on contract for 3 months in Dublin was drinking in ODonoghue’s pub in Merrion Row when he gets a call on his mobile phone.
He hangs up grinning from ear to ear, orders a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, because, he announces his wife back home has just produced a typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but Bruce just shrugs, "That's about average in Oz. Like I said my boy is a typical Australian baby boy.
Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later Bruce returns to the bar.
Greg, the bartender says "You're the father of that typical Australian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So how much does he weigh now?
The proud father answers '17 pounds"
Greg is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.
Bruce takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says .............. "Had him circumcised mate"
:lol::lol::lol::lol:
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne .
After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and
they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a
room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on
the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk; hands them a
bill for $450.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't
worth $450.00.
When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists
on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were
available for the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He
goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood
, and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions! the man replies, 'But we
didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' he
says, 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!'
:lol::lol::lol:
He hangs up grinning from ear to ear, orders a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, because, he announces his wife back home has just produced a typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but Bruce just shrugs, "That's about average in Oz. Like I said my boy is a typical Australian baby boy.
Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later Bruce returns to the bar.
Greg, the bartender says "You're the father of that typical Australian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So how much does he weigh now?
The proud father answers '17 pounds"
Greg is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.
Bruce takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly says .............. "Had him circumcised mate"
:lol::lol::lol::lol:
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne .
After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and
they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a
room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on
the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk; hands them a
bill for $450.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He
tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't
worth $450.00.
When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists
on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the
hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were
available for the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He
goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood
, and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions! the man replies, 'But we
didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' he
says, 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!'
:lol::lol::lol:
