Few jokes

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voo2doo

voo2doo

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A construction worker is on the
third floor of an unfinished building.
He needs a hand saw but is too lazy to
go down and get it himself, so he tries
calling to his fellow worker on the
ground to get it for him. The guy on
the ground can’t hear a word, so the
guy on the third floor starts giving him
hand signals.
First, he points at his eyes, meaning
“I.” Then he points to his knees , meaning
“need.” Then he moves his hands
back and forth, describing the movement
of a hand saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground
starts nodding his head like he understands,
drops his pants and starts to
jerk off. The guy on the third floor gets
pissed-off, runs down to the ground
and starts yelling at the guy, “You
idiot! I was trying to tell you I needed
a hand saw!”
His co-worker replies, “I know that,
stupid! And I was trying to tell you that
I was coming.”
__________________J__________________________:rolleyes:
 
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde.
She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks
"Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!"
She takes off everything and asks "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Hey Hey I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my peepee this way!"
__________________J___________________:lol:
 
Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.

Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance.. He recognizes it as
the whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that
killed my father! Let's swim closer!"

When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the
ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million
pieces? That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this.

So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship and blew
enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and
crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors
were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean.

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're still
alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the
sailors!"

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh
no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen!"
__________________J_____________________:drool:
 
"Hey Honey, come see my new clock!"

Wife comes over and says, "I don't see no clock. Just you with a big hard-on."

"It WILL be a clock when you put two hands and a face on it!"
__________________J____________:blush:
 
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car at some lights whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
_____________________J_____________________:rolleyes:
 
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