Grandpa we love you!

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voo2doo

voo2doo

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A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?' Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'

The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'

Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'

Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'

Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.

Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'.

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies.

Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a
cookie?'

The boy ask, 'Can your pecker touch your ***?'

Gramps replies , 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ***'.

The little boy replies, 'Then go f**k yourself'. Grandma made these for me'
__________________J-----------------------------------------------------
 
Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world.

He will bet £50 on it.

A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. So the man pays his £50.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his £50.

A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the man says, "Can't you play it?"

The octopus looks up at the man and says, "Play it? I'm going to **** it as soon as I get those pajamas off."
__________________J_______________________________________________
 
Kate goes to the queen and says "Every time I suck William's knob I get acid indigestion!"The Queen replies "Have you tried Andrews?":rolleyes::rolleyes:
__________________________________J_____________________________
 
Imagine prince William's stag do, bit strange being in a bar and stuffing pictures of your gran into a lap dancers knickers!


________________________________J_________________________________:lol:
 
A man gets raped by an elephant.
Doctor asks, "why his arsehole is stretched to 10 inches, when a elephants penis is only 4 inches wide?"

Weeping, the man says
" the dirty bastard fingered me first..."



_________________________________J________________________________:rolleyes:
 
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
 
A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
__________________J_____________________________________________:yuk::yuk::yuk:
 
voo2doo said:
A man and his son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, "dad, what does a pussy look like?"
The dad asked him, "before or after sex?"
"Ummmm, before sex", the kid replied.
The dad said, "have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"
"Yeah" said the son.
"Well, what about after sex?" said the son.
His dad replied, "have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise"!!!
__________________J_____________________________________________:yuk::yuk::yuk:
Click to expand...

OMG! :lol::lol::lol::lol:

james that was a good one
 
we got the same jokes over here but they are called little johnny jokes. but don't matter the name or how many times you here them they still make me roll.
 
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