look at the beauty i know you want it

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renbar

renbar

Well-Known Member
Messages
3,520
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kirby cross essex
look at this ebay listing the best ever write up ever

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=280608788910#ht_2882wt_905

found this on the bay of e this is a real bargain and one of the best write ups ive ever seen on the bay please take your time and read the write up its the funnyest thing ive ever seen on ebay fair play to the owner for having balls :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

EBAY LISTING

RENAULT ESPACE DIESEL WORST JUNK HEAP ON EBAY LOOK AWAY
DISEASED FRENCH FROG CARRIER DOG KENNEL ON WHEELS SHED


WELL WELL WELL,JUST FEAST YOUR MINCE PIES ON THIS RAGING BEAUTY!!!!...FIRSTLY.. I`D LIKE TO START OFF BY SAYING HOW FINE AN EXAMPLE OF QUALITY FRENCH MOTOR CAR CONSTRUCTION THIS VEHICLE IS................I`D LIKE TO SAY THAT....BUT...SADLY I CANT...IN FACT I CANT COME ANYWHERE CLOSE TO SAYING ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR TO THAT. RENAULT ESPACE NINETEEN OATCAKE,HOPE ITS A DIESEL AS ITS CERTAINLY OILY,SMELLY AND WAY NOISY ENOUGH...ALWAYS STARTS 1ST PUSH...WELL NEARLY ALWAYS.BIT OF A LOTTERY,BUT HEY WHEN IT DOES START IT DOES MOVE...SORT OF..GEARBOX LIKE STIRRING YOUR GRANS CUSTARD,STEERING IS AT BEST EXTREMELY VAGUE,RECKON BEST JUST TO POINT IT IN THE ROUGH GENERAL DIRECTION AND JUST WALK THE REST. BRAKES ARE...WELL CHALLENGING...LETS JUST SAY YOU WONT FALL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL (unless the exhaust fumes get to you 1st).LIMITED SLIP CLUTCH AND QUICK RELEASE ASHTRAY FITTED(full to brim).AS PIX SHOW IT HAS COMPETITION LIGHT SWITCHES CENTRAL CONSOLE MOUNTED,APPARENTLY CONVERSION DONE BY B&Q MOTORSPORT.A COLABORATION WITH THEM AND STEVIE WONDER AUTO ELECTRICS.JUST LIKE SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM,CARBON FIBRE SLIPPER RACK HAS BEEN REMOVED,SORRY.THESE SEVEN SEATERS..WELL SIX AS ONE HAS FALLEN THROUGH A HOLE IN THE FLOOR BUT STILL PLENTY ROOM ON DRIVERS KNEE FOR A WEE ONE. INSIDE COULD DO WITH A FRESHEN UP WITH A HAND GRENADE,SEEMS LIKE A BAG OF DEAD KIPPERS STUCK IN AN AIR VENT.OUTSIDE THE PISSDRAB GREEN PAINTWORK APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RUBBED DOWN WITH A HALF BRICK INSIDE AN OLD SOCK,BODY HAS NORE DINGS THAN A CHINESE PHONEBLOOK,TOWBAR FITTED AT THE REAR,SHOULD REALLY BE AT THE FRONT I RECKON.CHECK OUT DA BANGIN RIMZ MAN, APPARENTLY THIS WAS THE ORIGINAL CAR FROM THE LATE NIGHT GENTLEMANS MOTORING CHANNEL PROGRAMME "GIMP MY RIDE"!!..WOW 15" WHEELS,ONE AT EACH CORNER,GO ON COUNT EM!!!TYRES ARE FORMULA ONE SPEC...AS MUCH TREAD AS MURRAY WALKERS SHINY BONCE!!!ACTUALLY BOUGHT IT FOR MY WIFE FOR CHRISTMAS,(oh how i used to quite like her) STRANGELY SHE DIDNT TAKE TO IT AS WELL AS ID HAVE HOPED.MY SCABBY RABID FLEA RIDDEN MANGY DOG WONT EVEN SLEEP IN IT. IDEAL FOR PARKING IN THE DRIVEWAY IF YOU REALLY DESPISE YOUR NEIGHBOURS.SO THANKFULLY A RARE CHANCE TO PICK UP A REAL NON BARGAIN.TRY FINDING ANOTHER LIKE THIS!!!! PRAY TO GOD YOU CANT!!!DUE TO THE HUGE RESPONSE NOT EXPECTED WE NEED IT PAID IN FULL AND COLLECTED WITHIN 24HRS 36 MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS OF SALE END.CAR IS ONLY 500 MILES FROM LONDON.SO IDEAL IF IN GLASGOW.SORRY NO MICROWAVES IN P/EX BUT WE WILL SUPPLY A BIG PAPER BAG FOR COLLECTION PURPOSES(eye holes optional)..OH DEAR SADLY I WAS OUT DOING SOME DRIFTING (off to sleep) IN IT AND TO MY DISMAY/JOY I FEAR THE ENGINE HAS POPPED,CURRENTLY TRYING TO SHOEHORN A SMALL LITHUANIAN PIT PONY PIG CROSS INTO PLACE SO IF IT WORKS THE HP WILL BE DOUBLED TO 31/2.
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omg, that was some funny poop. thanx for the laugh. thank the seller in your next ? for me too.
 
Total class.....I once had a Renault (luckily a company car) my local dealer got to know me that well I exchanged birthday/Christmas cards and presents with the girls on the service desk......This is absoutely true!!!! Even the service manager told me they were poop.

The worst bag of crap car I have ever owned......two complete wiring looms, new tailgate as the first one flew off at 70 on motorway, two new gearboxes, complete engine strip down and rebuild, water leakage into footwells. This was an 03 plate that I had from new and it covered less than 50K miles in two years.

It was comfy though!!!
 
i realy feel for ya mate i ve had knightmares with engine bad luck as you know it sucks big time every time i got close to getting the next upgrade i wanted bang there goes another engine can it be fixed of is it finished last time mine went pop i was so pissed off i started to list the bug on ebay as i didnt want it near me but wifey talked me out of it as all my xmas pressies and b/day pressies were on it for the past 2 years glad i didnt get shot though when working as they should theres no better hobby
 
I am on the same page right now with cy engines. after having to dremmel the hell out of it to get in the 4wd conversion, next motor for this will be a zenoah
 
The questions and answers are just as funny and sarcastic.. Well worth the listing.

Q: do,ddooo ddooo,do do oooooohhh ,and you lived your life like a candle in the wind never knowing who to turn to when the rain came in ,proper like,julliett bravo now me old mate shes the kiddy 06-Jan-11
A: This car has your name all over it!!!
Q: hi, i am currently taking 300 portugiuse up everest for an excursion ( not sure if i will bring them back down, would this magnificent vehicle make it to the himalayas, and whats the chance of the back falling off with all the travelers in it?.. yours sincerely nick griffin,,,, 04-Jan-11
A: Im sure they will fit in,may need to empty the ashtray and glovebox though,if its downhill all the way then you may be ok, great for A to B...but you can forget C.....never gonna happen.
Q: Hmmm I must congratulate you on presenting this sleek and stunning machine for sale at such a bargain price. I am looking for a replacement for my Bentley and shall send Jeeves round immediately with the full asking price. Kind Regards. S Wonder. 04-Jan-11
A: Thanx it is surely the bargain of the year,you obviously are a man of impeccable taste,when Jeeves arives we will also show him our fine Lada Cossack limousine for him to take his pick.
Q: Firstly, my congratulations on such an honest and descriptive ad for this item which has been a source of amusement for the past week. Unfortunately, this item is priced out of my pocket money for this year!! Couple of questions though, what did the poor Lithuanian pit pony cross do to deserve such a fate? Why not add Citroen Picasso and Peugeot 805 for a full house and keep them as depreciating classics to pay someone to take them off your hands at a VERY later date? Cheers J. 04-Jan-11
A: Thanks,service with a smirk!!,we actually removed the pit pony from a old Talbot Matra Rancho we had.. i say removed it..it just walked free of the rotting french carcass,we are purveyors of fine french automobiliascrap.
Q: Hi, Would you post to Nigeria, price seems very reasonable is payment by Western Union OK? 04-Jan-11
A: Sure if you send me £10,000 will send the change back.....i will honest!!
Q: ive just got the clap fancy a swop deal cash my way ?? 04-Jan-11
A: Well done,sorry just got rid of it....for the moment.
Q: Hi. £398.74 ? If you keep the registration (which must be worth £398.00) would you deliver the diseasal Espace to Auchtermuchty for 74 pence? 04-Jan-11
A: Hi,reg is actually only valued at £397.98 so im afraid your kind and generous offer falls slightly short of the mark by a hefty 2p,nice try though.
Q: besides any chance of international shipping,is there any chance we could use this as a smuggling mule for international transport of lucas smoke !? i have a bsa that needs some replacement lucas smoke for the wires,it would also come in handy for my tl1000r suzi,so can we pak it full of smoke ?!?!?! 04-Jan-11
A: Im afraid it wont hold any smoke as there are way too many escape holes,mainly in the floor,may be able to strip out the wiring and send that as its smouldering nicely,seems plenty smoke.
Q: Love the colour. Any chance you can accept 5 1/2 penny sweets(cola bottles) and a half eaten sausage i found(comes with its own mould) 03-Jan-11
A: I think you will find the mouldy sausage is not half eaten. the other half is in the glovebox.
Q: are them light switches available separately? i don't need a new shed, just 2 new light switches.... 03-Jan-11
A: Sorry wont split as i fear it may impair the chance of a speedy sale,thanx anyway.
Q: Mate,you deserve treble the asking price for that fine car. I absolutly pissed myself laughing at your ad.BRILLIANT!. Good luck with your sale. J 03-Jan-11
A: Why thanx,it does come with spare pants if you fancy it.
Q: Is this a Turbo Diesel or a Naturaly Athmatic.... Also does it come with life in the battery.... 03-Jan-11
A: Its VERY asthmatic.sadly any life in the battery has long drained away along with my enthusiasm for the beast,there is however a Duracell AAA in the glovebox.(also flat)
Q: hi fanizzle a dizzle, wud i be able to lower it on a pair of rolla skates n pull some top be-atchs in the devon area, also how much extra for da poop that is piles up around it, i am willin to pay top wonga extra for dat, hit me up homy... 03-Jan-11
A: Bro,dis wagon is a top be-atch magnet,i is gonna ave it rollin on dubz stateside stylee,juiced chopped-n-chanelled lowrida style wid de bangin choonz innnit,check it!!
Q: hi ,mate could you mot it for me? don't mind paying the extra £50 cheers bruce 02-Jan-11
A: Sorry seems your computer is faulty,couple of zeros missing.
Q: Your Espace is a dream car; I am having to stay awake to stop dreaming about it. The price you are asking represents good value for such a sound motor; any car salesman would give it pride of place on their forecourt. I would be happy to meet your price; however I don't have any ready cash available. Would you consider a swap. I have a Ferrari Dayton and a Veyron which I would happily swap for your gem of a vehicle. How about a two for one offer? 31-Dec-10
A: Trust me i am having many sleepless nights thinking about it,just sold my veyron last week but would definately maybe consider a deal with a 1965/66 SERIES 2A1/2 WARTBURG KNIGHT LHD V8 TWO STROKE DIESEL ICECREAM VAN BODIED CAMPER CONVERSION BY PININFARINA.....IN MAUVE AND BEIGE...HHHM NICE!!
Q: The wireing in the renault looks distinctly Irish to me with a touch of B&Q that on its own has got to be worth a fortune,I may place a bid just for that and leave you with the rest of the renault how much for postage? 31-Dec-10
A: Wiring is unique...thank god..could probably shovel it into a jiffy bag once ive scraped all the rust off.
Q: Hello, if I was daft enough to press the buy-it-now button, in your expert opinion would the vehicle (I use this term very losely) withstand a car wash.......I mean with bucket and sponge or would I be expecting to much to risk a mechanical wash!!! Good luck with the auction, I'll be watching with Great Interest :) 31-Dec-10
A: Well as you can see its in need of a wash but i fear its the dirt holding it together,actually tried to wash with a sponge...im just back from A&E with multiple lacerations to my hand..you can actually hear it sizzle when it rains..bodywork by ASPRIN DEVELOPMENTS.
Q: Are you trying to put me off buying this GEM OF A MOTOR GUVNOR, I ask what bag would be supplied (with eye holes) and you said Lidl or Aldis and then another prospective buyer asked a question about a possible sun roof you mentioned "Poundland carrier bags tenderly hand stitched together by elves" Am I not good enough for this absolute beauty, my feeling are hurt now beyond repair and find it hard to belive that at this time of year you could be so cruel to another human being, I type this with a tear in my eye and a very heavy and sad heart. 31-Dec-10
A: Never has the term " CRUEL TO BE KIND" been more appropriate,better to have a heavy heart than a light wallet,you can go into the new year without this almighty burden round your neck dragging you down down down into the dark black depths of deep despair...where i am now :(
Q: Hi there, can you tell me if it has a sunroof? can't quite make it out from the pics. I was thinking of buying a green house to grow mushrooms and tomatoes in but this could be another option, if it doesn't i suppose i could make one with a tin opener and a bit of perspex. could you let me know before i make a bid, cheers. 30-Dec-10
A: Techically yes as the centre of the roof has rotted right out it,currently covered with Poundland carrier bags tenderly hand stitched together by elves..ideal as its already got loads of fungus growing in it,lovely fungal seatcovers stained my new white white slacks green...which was nice.
Q: hiya any tax or mot cheers 30-Dec-10
A: tax and mot till last month,thanx.
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I love the question about the one handled wheel barrow and the poor guy that sleeps next to his farting and belching wife! I feel for ya man!

I still have tears in my eyes!
 
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