Stella!!!

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voo2doo

voo2doo

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Flintshire,North Wales
A Husband and wife are shopping in Asda(Walmart) when the man picks up a pack
of Stella(Strong beer) and puts them into the trolley.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife

"They're on offer, only £16 for 24 cans", he says

"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife

and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a £32 jar of face cream and
sticks it into the trolley.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.

The man replies...

"SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE
J.
 
Harley D's

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the Bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.'

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house,
Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who Says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a Huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and
her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom..

'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...

Suddenly the father shouted....'I'll do the f****** dishes!!!
__________________J.
 
Bloke walks into a bar and says "a pint of anything except Stella!"Barman asks "Whats wrong with Stella??"Bloke says "i had 12 pints of Stella last night and when i came round i was f**king skint" Barman says"12 pints of anything costs about the same"Bloke replies "Skint is my dog............................."
__________________J.
 
Three mice are sat in a pub having a few pints and they're discussing which one is the hardest.
The first mouse says, "I'm the hardest. I go up to mousetraps, rip out the cheese and, as the bar comes down, I bench-press it 30 times and throw it across the floor."
The second mouse replies, "You nonce! I get the rat poison, crush it into powder and snort it!"
The third mouse shrugs his shoulders, downs his pint and walks to the door.
"Where you going?" ask the other two.
"I'm off home to f*ck the cat!"
__________________J.
 
One for Ian

Eskimo on holiday in Wales.Car breaks down, Welsh mechanic(Ian) looks under bonnet and says " you`ve blown a seal " Eskimo says " So what, you fook sheep ".
J.:lol:
 
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