The Humor Thread

[DrakeCarson]

Hey, everyone! I've created this thread for us to share a few full-hearted laughs, something to lighten up the load when you just needed something to pick you up on a gloomy day. Let me start this up with a few shorts:

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need..

...just five more minutes.

 

[DrakeCarson]

How can you tell if an ant is male or female?

They're all females, otherwise, they'd be uncles.

 

[WoodiE]

Medical students were attending their 1st biochemistry class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a urine sample. The professor dip his finger in urine & tasted it in his own mouth. Then he asked the students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in urine sample & tasted it.... When everyone finished, the professor looked at them & said: “The most important quality is 'Observation'. I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. Today you just learn, how to pay attention.”

 

[DrakeCarson]

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me eggs Benedict.

So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

 

[DrakeCarson]

A feminist once asked me how I see lesbian relationships..

Apparently, "In HD" was the wrong answer.

 

[DrakeCarson]

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject..

Now when you talk about Botox, no one raises an eyebrow.

 

[atom3624]

They are terrible!!
Good job.

Al.

 

[Scruffy]

Two peanuts we're walking in New York City. One was assaulted

 

[DrakeCarson]

Two peanuts we're walking in New York City. One was assaulted

Hahaha!

 

[DrakeCarson]

So my pal asked that iPhone assistant, Siri, why he's still single..

Siri activated the selfie camera.

 

[DrakeCarson]

Which country’s capital is the fastest growing?

Ireland’s...

Every year it’s Dublin.

 

[DrakeCarson]

If I go through the trouble of making you breakfast in bed, all I ask for is a simple thank you..

Not all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.

 

[DrakeCarson]

I just got a bike for my wife..

it was a good trade.

 

[DrakeCarson]

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper..

I think he must be plotting something.

 

[hyperdad]

When me son was still a little guy the house we lived in caught fire.
My loving wife ran to get our son and on her way out she spoke a little to loud
when she said SON BE QUIET YOUR GONNA WAKE YOUR FATHER.

 

[Gamefan]

These are all great!