Todays Jokes......

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Paddy says to his Murphy "Ive been taking steroids and you'll never guess what.....Ive grown an extra cock!" Murphy says "Anabolic?" "Nah" says Paddy "just a cock" :lol::lol:
 
A fat bird stands on a table in a bar and shouts "Anyone who can guess my weight can shag me". A guy at the back shouts "93 stone ya fat ugly fooka". The fat bird replies "Thats close enough ya lucky cunt!" :lol::lol:
 
I must have really pissed my wife off when I tried erotic asphyxiation on her when we were having sex the other night. The moody female dog has been lying there for 5 days now giving me the silent treatment :lol::lol:
 
A blind man goes to visit a prostitute. On feeling her pimply face he recoils in horror! Feeling hurt, the prozzie says to him "its only a bit of acne sir"
"thank fook for that" he says "I thought it was the fookin price list" :lol::lol:
 
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